WHAT a year!

I’m never totally sure how I feel about these round-up-of-the-year posts - whether they’re a bit cheesy, a bit self-indulgent, whether anyone actually cares. But despite having been in business for over 13 years, this has been the biggest year so far - my first year of running a business with a baby in tow. So instead of the usual project highlights, this is my honest account of what it’s like to attempt to tackle a full-time workload with a brand new baby. If this is of no interest to you, I quite understand. I’m writing it as a window into our year, and in the hope that it might inspire someone not to leave starting their family too late.

Friends, it’s been a learning curve in every imaginable way. It’s been both a seismic shift and a seamless transition - things have been remarkably the same yet unrecognisable. One of my biggest fears, from the moment I became pregnant, was that our clients might desert us. That people would think I was no longer capable, or that I was no longer available. The truth is that I spent the latter weeks of my pregnancy squeezing in as many meetings, as much work, as much prep as I possibly could, terrified that any sort of productivity might be lost once the baby arrived. As my bump grew and my patience wore thin, comments from our neighbours on the farm such as ‘ah, so you’re still here then!’, ‘look at the size of you!’ and, worse of all ‘I bet you go overdue’ become more frequent and my worry around the future increased. We had a thoroughly miserable Christmas last year as I spent every day wishing for nothing more than to go into labour - I was grumpy, heavy and so done.

And then, on the 18th January, she was here. At first, not much did change, really. Being the practical people that we are, Dan and I set up a moses basket in the corner of the studio, popped her in it and cracked on. Evie slept, we worked, and it was all really quite easy. We had meetings whilst she napped, and when she needed feeding, I just popped her on my boob and carried on. I felt thankful, over and over again, for how wonderful our clients are. Aside from the seemingly endless rotation of nappy changing, it all felt pretty straightforward.

As the months moved on and she became more active, she graduated from the moses basket and baby bouncer to a playmat… then to the playpen… then to having the run of the studio. During the summer months, we took her out in the woods and let her feel the grass between her chubby toes and run her eager little hands over the bark on the trees. We spent hours down by the lake, watching the ducks and the heron take flight, and keeping an eye out for the deer. We collectively tag-teamed her care; we still got an astonishing amount done and felt endlessly ashamed by how much we obviously procrastinated before she came along.

With the dawn of Autumn, things changed. Evie needed more. The vast array of toys that we keep in the studio were no longer a match for her curious, busy mind. And our workload was starting to become unmanageable with the time we had available to work. Amidst a really rocky phase with her sleep, I was working in the evenings with the laptop propped on a cushion whilst she slept beside me. This was not sustainable.

We were so lucky to find a wonderful childminder, just a few minutes from the studio, who now looks after Evie during the week. What I can get done in the time she’s with Sally is unreal! As Evie’s dependency on me begins to lessen, I’m looking forward to getting stuck into some really exciting projects next year. We’ve already got some amazing work booked in for 2020 and I can’t wait.

Motherhood has undoubtedly had a huge impact on my perspective when it comes to work. I don’t want to do work that I don’t want to do, and for the first time ever we have actually turned a couple of projects away this year. They just weren’t a good fit, and I knew in my heart that we needed to be honest with ourselves about that. I’m much more decisive now, more direct. More confident, bizarrely - ironic, since I was worried that the opposite would be true.

I’m incredibly lucky that our family business has afforded both of us the opportunity to be with Evie every single day and not compromise on our household income - and of course, Evie’s Grandpa has enjoyed his new role too! Has it been hard work? Yes. The hardest. Don’t let this post fool you into thinking that there haven’t been plenty of days where emotions ran so high yet we were too tired to cry. But has it been worthwhile? Oh my goodness, a hundred times over. Evie’s 11 months old now; her character is absolutely blossoming and there’s very little that can’t be improved by her great big sunny smile.

So, that was our year. Thank you for being here with us.